You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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