Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
