you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
