I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
