White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
