4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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