sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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