I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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