sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
