I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
