I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
