I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
