I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
