I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he puts the penis in happiness.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
