Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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