Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
