I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize