This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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