U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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