Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize