as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
