All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize