She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
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I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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