Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
