rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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