I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
