In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
