im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
