what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You smell like stripper and shame
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
