K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
