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Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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