tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
