just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
