Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
