my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Drunk walkin through police station. America
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
