Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
