All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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