I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
