well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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