I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
