is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
