He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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