I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
