The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
