I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
