i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
