i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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