Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
