My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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