Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
