You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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