fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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