I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
