Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
