Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
