dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
