dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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