Soap is not a condiment
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
