i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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