no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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