people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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