we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
