I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
