I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
