dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
