That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
