Im at strip club and am horny
He told me they were just razor bumps!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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