This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
