I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
