I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
