Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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