there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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