this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I'm passing your future prison.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
