From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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