So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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