i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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