Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
