nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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